Monday, September 24, 2012

The phone that never changed anything...



This is dedicated to all of the fans ( and fanatics ) around, that really struggle to make a decision over which smart phone to buy, every single time we read some article about “ XXX  will be released September 27…)

With no second thoughts, the 3 most important products that hit us, are  Apple, Samsung and HTC; Nokia, Sony and few others trailing in the rivalry
I am not a fan( or fanatic), that will drive to the store, and wait in the queue even before the sunrise, with a hot cup of coffee, dressed in my night clothes, to present myself to be a proud owner of Apple on Facebook. I am just another customer, who would walk to the store, the following day and test every device that is on the table ( even though they are all black or white and look like sinister twins )

For some reason, a smart phone has turned so obvious, to impalpably tell us that “smart phones are for dumb people “ ; a fact which we arguably refute.

Apple ( and a few others), merely out of familiarity trying to breed monopoly around. To me, it feels like, the moment a product or a service loses its purpose, it is merely luxury.

iPhone to me is luxury; They may have scores of reasons to prove their point. But, iPhone is a phone, if you need something more; don’t buy it.

Apple had raised its bars on innovation and product service to a much higher level, that today, I cannot admit a device like iPhone5. I have to agree, when my wife kept telling me, before I left for the store. “ Don’t raise your hopes, and be disappointed ! “

You want my product, buy my accessories.
You want my service, stay in contract;
are not the reasons for any good product / service providers; it only stays to prove a non-belief in their products made and at some point, will be in the shelf.

To not beat around more, reasons why I think iPhone 5 may not be worth the buy

* Lack of Innovation
The Product Manager, “ Sir, these are the new features and designs for our totally revamped product “
The CEO, “ They will buy anyway, keep them all from the previous version. We will look at it next year. Damn, this Steve ( Jobs ) had to die just before he handed over the new design !

* Denial of product and service from experienced vendors ( like Google Maps ). It is simply a reinvention of the wheel
The Product Manager, “ What do we do ? “
The CEO, “ I hate Google, I love Patents, Haven’t you heard about cheap labor ? Do we go tomtom ?

* A faster processor, be it A6, A10, A20 means nothing to an average user
The Product Manager, “ Sir, we have this new A6 processor that will twice as fast “
The CEO, “ No, reprint all A5s to A6s, would you know, if it worked faster ? “

* A taller phone is not user friendly, just because Tim Cook / Steve Jobs or some designer has taller hands /fingers than wider hands
The Product Manager, “ Sir, this is our new design, this one will be 4 inches wide and a bit taller ? “
The CEO, “ Look at my hands ! Do I look like, I can hold a phone any wider than 3.5 inches ? “
But see, my fingers can reach all the way from the bottom to the top left corner icon on the screen !

* Myth: Taller and less wider phones are very user friendly
The Product Manager, “ Sir, we need a base for building the new product “
The CEO, “ Wait, I am busy watching Olympics “
The Product Manager, Sigh…
(5 Minutes Later)
The CEO, “ Eurekha ! I got it, let’s stick to Olympics. The slogan Citius, Altius, Fortius !
The Product Manager, “ I am sorry, I didn’t catch that “
The CEO “ Faster, Higher, Stronger “… in our case it is “ Faster, Taller, Stronger “
The Product Manager, Sigh, Sigh.. “ What about wider ? “
The CEO “ Don’t change history, we are people of the world. There is no such thing called wider, or an event in Olympics representing Wider “ !
iPhone 5 !
[The Olympics committee may probably sue apple for stealing their slogan]

The only other reason, I feel Apple products are in better demand is because of their supply and demand.

No one wants to couple Apple products with grey-market products, for fear of losing support and service. So, you buy a phone, you buy their earpods, and you buy iHome and now, you end up buying additional connectors just because they thought the connector proved old. To them, this is the earth shattering product innovation for iPhone 5.


My 4th day with iPhone ;)
Apple probably needs to grow-up in understanding that to some users, the look and feel ( it really doesn't matter to them whether it uses A6 or A5 or A10 ) is important too..
* The outer case made of aluminium is more prone to scuffing
* The lower charging end of black versions, wears out sooner
* Dust clogging will also be high near the speakers
* the white shiny Al casing, as you continue to use ( if you are sweating ), will cause stains and you will need to pamper it ;) . They are quite similar to the taps you use at home. The phone wont retain the classy look for 2 years.
* The abnormal increase in length without a compensating increase in width, definitely is a great move to account for finest display, but applications will not look too cool.
* Rumours that Apple may look for developers from Google, (apparently the ones that are frustrated with Google) hire them, and improve their Maps App
P.S : Are they planning to give out free goodies, viz., free cases, free connectors to keep the new iPhone users quiet until iPhone6 or ' the new iPhone ? '

As much I dislike iPhone 5, I don’t see great innovation or marketing move from other product companies.

There is no conclusion here or dislike for Apple products, I still will buy iPhone 5; not because I love it, but because I don’t have much preferences on my device. I don’t use it much anyway.

I just wrote what was in my mind…(at this very moment)

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Common Hallucinations


Common Hallucinations (for people travelling for the 1st time and for people who haven’t learnt during their 1st time )

( What they don’t teach you….)

If I talk like them, they will probably think I am one of them or this man / girl is pretty good …
                It has taken me a million exasperating moment to be sitting on the call, to listen to someone faking the accent. As horrendous as it sounds, I have personally felt, I would walk right to them, put the phone on mute and swing them by the neck, like it happens in Cartoons between Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck ! ;) .
                What people, probably, are more interested to hear, is the content, than your accent or that fake style. Accept it, you didn’t even know about THIS accent, until you arrived here or before you watched the 9 AM – 11 PM HBO Movies !

If you do not understand something, accept it. A man who doesn’t know something for the 1st time remains a fool once; A man who doesn’t question remains a fool forever.
                This special someone asks a question on the call, that involved multiple people, nods his head for every single response, as the IBM person explained the process.
                I had a strange feeling about this and at the end of the call, I asked him, “So, what did they say? “ and I got the record response of all times. “I don’t know; they were speaking way too fast! “.

It is good to be a favorite, but…
I stop right here, to let you think. You can either rest on someone’s shoulder or stand on your feet. ;)
The empire you are on, right now, was built out of a great vision and an incredible thought process of a handful of radiant minds.
                Err…..You ne’er know who your next boss will be! ;)

Complaints, Regrets, Curses, Bad Feelings…
                As it may turn out, there is no ideal curve or happy hours always, between onshore/offshore folks.
 Onsite and offshore relationship is not like being in love, like Boys compromise for everything in the initial stages and girls compromise on everything in the later stages , before the break up !
It is like being in good agreement and relationship. As they say, Never go to bed mad; Stay up and fight!

Homeworks and Classy Works !
How many times have been sitting ( and swearing ) on a Vodafone, Airtel, ICICI Bank… customer service calls, where you had to wait for dog minutes to get your response?
Responses like…
“ Can you please wait sir, I am looking through my documentation ? “
“ Can you please hold, I am checking with my Manager ? “
“ I will be back in a moment sir ? “ …and you don’t hear for a few minutes, except that annoying music, which you loved when you called them for the first time ?
viz., Everyday I want to fly, stay by my side….Everyday I want to dream, stay by my side ;)

Never step into a conference call or meeting , without doing your homework.
If you don’t do your homework, there is no Classy Work !

Just to turn on your motivation, if you want your Ch*** to be happy on V’day, wouldn’t you try your best to do some chic work?

Hard Workers Vs Smart Workers
                Hard Workers, you may want to realize that if you continue to do the same things, yet expect different results, you are either crazy or you must be content.
                Smart Workers, you may want to realize that if you do too much of different things too often, you may want to realize that you are setting unrealistic expectations for everyone who is doing their best, around you.

Remember, the wheel of fortune is round..
They come once in 6 months, sometimes as some communications from our Leaders, who have struggled and lived through the ravages of time; people who made bigger decisions for your decisions today
When everything is Good, no one talks about it.
When everything is Bad, everyone wants to talk about it.

Savings is not about not spending. It is all about spending wisely.
                 It is a very common practice, for folks to do the conversion from USD to INR, during the first few days.
                “ This item costs $5 which means $5 * INR 50 = 250 ( $ or Ru ?! ) “ and you end up not eating for a few days outside. 
Solution ? Convert your income also into INR and you probably will feel better. J

Never take the advice of your half/empty head friends, who have bank accounts they do not want, credit cards they don’t want to have, buy stocks because they like the name, and have kids they don’t know about ;)

Good Days & Bad Days …
A perfect example of a Good Day.
                You, after being stung by that one strange species of spider, turn into spiderman the next morning.
A perfect example of a Bad Day.
                Imagine being that special species of spider and you accidentally run into a 2 year old, who is so interested to dissect your 8 legs, with no prior lab experience.

Rest, Relaxation and Sleep…
                Take a break from work and vacation, now and then. This will ease off your work tensions and heavy load.
                You don’t want to be that person in that rocking chair, with your grandson on your lap and he asks, “ Grandpa, you were in US for X years, where all did you go ? “ and the only answer you have for him is, “ I ….ahn.. saved a million dollars ! “.
Have a few good bedtime adventure stories to tell.
Didn’t you love them as a kid ?! ;)

Have fair knowledge of laws, practices, events, things around you…
                I remember eavesdropping ( or should I say Adam’s Dropping ?!! ), a conversation between a south asian ( I don’t want to sound a racist ! ) and a fellow American, who talked about insurance policies, claims & premiums and at the end of the conversation comes one great question, “ What is State Farm ? “
                I nearly fell off my chair….

If I act like them, they [the Americans / Europeans / Australians] probably will think I’m sooper cool dude…
                Never pretend to be someone who you are not.  Grabbing a drink and walking up to someone on the dance floor, doesn’t make you look cool.  
On the inside, you are still a Santhanam, Balakrishna or Johnny Lever ;)
                You will probably sound more like a telegraphic or a morse code machine, that goes tut-toot-tut..tut.. hic.. toot…tut..hic…hic… toot..tut…tut…

Learn the Alphas, Betas, Charlies, Deltas, Englands…
                Americans / Europeans / Australians have great obscurity with our serration of voice modulation and our ability to speak English in 2 different ways. 
We start with American but then end in British !
Be slow, steady and confident while you are in a call. It is okay, if he is from Greenland or from South Africa , and can say 95 words per minute!

[Trust me, I am not making this …]
                IBM person: Can you give me the program name?
                Developer: It is D….….M…..E...S..S..VBA
                IBM person: I beg your pardon?
                Developer:  D as in Dog, M as in Monkey, E as in Elephant…
Save some embarrassing moments…

Remember that some letters sound so ‘ alike ’ on the call.
*** I call them “ Twitters “ .
Letter A sounds like K, Letter S sounds like F, Letter M sounds like N, Letter D sounds like B…

Above all, remember that you are here for something, and regardless of wherever you come from, you have the greatest responsibility in representing the organization you work for.

Good Luck !!

*** Copyright for twitters, implicitly assumed! J , already part of my work.